The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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