So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
