I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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