I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
this hospital has no fireball
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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