i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's never too late to be topless.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
