sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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