yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Randomize
