Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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