So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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