I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
