Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Randomize
