I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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