there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
