He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
