I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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