Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
