Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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