beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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