ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
