yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
