I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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