grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
