Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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