How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize