i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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