The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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