How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
