I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
one might say we're banned from that church
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I love having hate sex.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
