Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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