You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
