your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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