In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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