the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
