New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
