My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
