so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
