so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
