I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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