who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
