when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
