so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
