I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
