Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
