there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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