Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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