Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He passed out mid-signature
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
