every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
