Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
