I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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