Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
