Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
