the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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