She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
