i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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