Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
we're so committed to being not committed
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
