yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
