I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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