He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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