I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The adults are the big ones right?
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