Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
no you cant smoke seaweed
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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