Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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