I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
