I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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