I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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